When you are in your teens, you are confused. You don’t really know who you are or who you wanna be. You know that it is normal and you believe that you’ll have it all figured out once you’re and adult and “grown up”.
And here I sit, more confused than ever..
For all my life I’ve felt this weird inner “identity conflict”. I feel too versatile to feel steady. I like so many different things that don’t really fit together and I get thrilled by different things, different ideas and different lifestyles so easily. One day I’m obsessed with this thing and the next day with the other. I’m also quite bad when it comes to making decisions, even just standing in front of a shelf with a wide range of products at a supermarket is giving me a hard time.
To give you a more concrete example of what I mean: One day I feel like listening to classical music, going to a piano concert, reading books, working at a café and wearing elegant clothes is so totally me. The other day I feel like listening to metal, wearing all black, getting drunk and banging my head at a metal concert is so me. Another day I feel like working out, surfing, travelling, listening to reggae and chilling at the beach is totally what I’m about.
This is just an example of 3 different “persons” that I can find myself in.
I’m not sure if a lot of people my age, which is currently 28, can relate. If it is normal or not. (Okay.. what is “normal” anyway..?) Would be a relief to know I’m not the only one struggling with this.
I know that a lot of people haven’t “figured out” their lives at my age or even older and that some people never will. And you don’t even have to, you always learn, you always make new experiences and it’s never to late to take another path and start something new. Anyway, most people (my impression at least) seem to have found their own “thing” that they can completely lose themselves in.. if you get what I mean. I can’t say this for myself.
But maybe this enthusiasm for a lot of very different things and being able to find yourself in a lot of very different characters is also a thing.. who knows? I decided that I’m just trying to accept now that I feel this way and to not force myself into something. I’ll just try to go with the flow and to just do what I feel like, wear what I feel like, listen to what I feel like, eat what I feel like,.. in a certain phase of my life.
This topics actually is pretty personal for me but I feel better now that I wrote it down and I felt like sharing this in case others feel like this as well.