You know these cool people? These people that anyone knows, that everyone thinks are just so cool and with whom people wanna hang out with? I’m sure you do, we all do.
So, here’s a little story:
When I was a teenager and even a little bit older, I went out quite a lot at the weekends and I always looked up to these “cool” people who always got invited to parties and stuff without even asking. They just seemed to be so cool that they didn’t have to ask anyone, everyone was just asking them as they wanted their company. To give you the truth here: I was so jealous, I wanted to be like them, I wanted to be that girl who’s name everyone knows and who gets invited to parties. This was a goal for me in life. Thinking back, this is pretty embarrassing and it is also pretty stupid. I made such a big fuss about this, it’s insane. Because the thing is, I’m pretty sure that these people never did, they just were being themselves and they were confident with who they are and knew their own worth.
Later, I actually reached my “goal”, people seemed to want to hang out with me, invited me etc. I had quite a huge party phase and while I had a lot of fun, I don’t see how this is something worth striving for anymore. Today, quite a lot of people know me here where I live. I’m not saying this to brag or anything but because I now pretty much have what I wanted when I was younger but I don’t care about it anymore and I don’t see how this could have been my goal. Today I have totally different values in life.
But back to topic and what I actually want to say.. Now that I also know some of these people that I once thought are “so cool” and everything, I realized something: You can attract anyone you want into your life, I still meet some of the most amazing people today and I think it’s because I don’t put myself on a lower level but see myself as equal. And this is nothing to be ashamed of, this is not being bigheaded or something. It’s just realizing that we’re all cool in our very own way, that we’re all interesting.
Funny story: This weekend I met someone on Saturday night and told him that I always wanted to hang out with him and his friends when I was younger when I read online that they’re going somewhere. And he was like “Sure, why didn’t you just ask?” And he is right: Why didn’t I just ask? What was I waiting for? That someone reads my mind and shoots me a message? I thought I’m not on the same level as these people so I was afraid to get rejected if I myself asked if I could join them. Now I just walked up to him and told him this funny fact because I don’t see myself lower as him anymore.. I mean, why should I? This is so stupid. I think I missed out on quite a lot of things because of my low feeling of self-worth.
You know what I’m doing today? When I wanna go to some event, I’m not sitting at home, feeling lonely and praying for someone to ask me to go there with them. I just look who might wanna go there as well and ask for company or I just go there alone and talk to new people and connect with them. Because why not? I have myself and that’s enough I’d say. I don’t need anyone to join me so that people see I’m not alone and might not think “oh poor woman, doesn’t she have any friends?” Which they probably wouldn’t even do because people don’t think as much about you as you might think, they’re busy with themselves. I also don’t need anyone as an approval that I’m worth being around, I know that I am. If I imagine being another person and someone would ask me if I’d like to hang out with myself I’d be like “yes, for sure”. This sounds so vain, I know, but it’s true. And in fact, there’s nothing vain about this, I just like the person that I am and I think that’s the whole secret. If you love yourself for who you are, if you know that you have something interesting to say, if you know that you’re a good person that always tries to be positive, if you know you’re down for having fun and laughters etc. why would you think that you’re not worth of being anyone’s company?
So, to sum it up: I think that the most important thing is to love yourself for who you are, to accept yourself and to be okay with being alone with yourself, to not depend on other people’s company. This way you can be more relaxed because if you can go anywhere alone and experience anything on your own, you don’t need to desperately look for company which already gives you a more relaxed vibe. I think this actually attracts people naturally because you just have this aura of confidence and positivity instead of a “please be my friend, I’m worth nothing ony my own” aura of desperation.
It’s really hard to explain what I want to say clearly understandable, even in German it wouldn’t be easier, but I really hope you get what I mean and that it helps you if you’re struggling with making friends and loneliness.