Identity Crisis.. at the end of my 20s?

When you are in your teens, you are confused. You don’t really know who you are or who you wanna be. You know that it is normal and you believe that you’ll have it all figured out once you’re and adult and “grown up”.

And here I sit, more confused than ever..

For all my life I’ve felt this weird inner “identity conflict”. I feel too versatile to feel steady. I like so many different things that don’t really fit together and I get thrilled by different things, different ideas and different lifestyles so easily. One day I’m obsessed with this thing and the next day with the other. I’m also quite bad when it comes to making decisions, even just standing in front of a shelf with a wide range of products at a supermarket is giving me a hard time.

To give you a more concrete example of what I mean: One day I feel like listening to classical music, going to a piano concert, reading books, working at a café and wearing elegant clothes is so totally me. The other day I feel like listening to metal, wearing all black, getting drunk and banging my head at a metal concert is so me. Another day I feel like working out, surfing, travelling, listening to reggae and chilling at the beach is totally what I’m about.

This is just an example of 3 different “persons” that I can find myself in.

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I’m not sure if a lot of people my age, which is currently 28, can relate. If it is normal or not. (Okay.. what is “normal” anyway..?) Would be a relief to know I’m not the only one struggling with this.

I know that a lot of people haven’t “figured out” their lives at my age or even older and that some people never will. And you don’t even have to, you always learn, you always make new experiences and it’s never to late to take another path and start something new. Anyway, most people (my impression at least) seem to have found their own “thing” that they can completely lose themselves in.. if you get what I mean. I can’t say this for myself.

But maybe this enthusiasm for a lot of very different things and being able to find yourself in a lot of very different characters is also a thing.. who knows? I decided that I’m just trying to accept now that I feel this way and to not force myself into something. I’ll just try to go with the flow and to just do what I feel like, wear what I feel like, listen to what I feel like, eat what I feel like,.. in a certain phase of my life.

This topics actually is pretty personal for me but I feel better now that I wrote it down and I felt like sharing this in case others feel like this as well.

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7 thoughts on “Identity Crisis.. at the end of my 20s?”

  1. Don’t just accept it – embrace it! Count yourself lucky that you haven’t settled for one way of living when your heart craves so much more than that.
    I can wholeheartedly relate to what you’re saying. I have what I call an “obsessive personality.” I latch on to things wholeheartedly and obsess over them for awhile, but eventually I drift off to the next thing. Looking back, I can see patterns emerge in the things that keep coming back to me – seeking a spiritual life, simplicity/minimalism. But many interests change. I used to want to have it all figured out once and for all, but only recently have I realized this way of life isn’t realistic for me. And I’m 32! I could probably write a novel in this topic, but suffice it to say – you’re not alone and you’re not “doing it wrong.”

    1. Hey Jess! Thank you so much for your comment. I’m happy I’m not alone and people even older than me still feel the same. You’re probably right with what you’re saying, sometimes you just feel like you want to “belong somewhere”, to fit into some group or category, as weird as it sounds.. 😉

  2. Hey Alexandra, I think many thoughtful people relate, especially your age or a little older. I know for one I do.

    I have some thoughts that may be of use to you… In astrology this can be considered the first (and maybe only) set of aàSaturn Return years 》 28 – 32. One of the ways in which I have come to interpret it is that there is an increased pressure for the ‘self’ to become more tangible/manifest in some ways. We become aware of the extent to which we do or don’t conform to expectations and we also start questioning ourselves a little more. Many people experience depression during this time too. It is a time where one way or another we can become more aware of the consequences of our actions which may even feel unfair at the time. From what I see most people tend to solidify their identities and find comfort in sub-cultures, deciding to (at least consciously) turn a blind eye to the frightening things in the world, especially how their actions contribute to it, preferring to blame and medicate. This time though, presents a great opportunity for tuned in people to develop integrity – which is the gift of the Saturn Return should we choose to work with it. Naturally this can involve isolation which actually creates strength of character, and hopefully also compassion because we become more in tune with our silent, personal needs. I call Saturn “The Test” because it represents that process where we are measuring ourselves to find out what our true values are (and also what we are prepared to sacrifice to live them). This process can take up to 2-4 years and for some of us it never really ends.

    I guess what I’m trying to say is that “you’re not alone” and “it’s not you that’s weird but society” that numbs, ignores, and dumbs down these natural spiritual needs and processes of initiation. Most people are not nearly as happy and together as they look and many give up the struggle to individuate/actualize something beyond superficial fear-based survival strategies. The more you choose to remain aware, the more of an outsider you will feel. And that seems to be the core of Saturn time in many people’s lives. Let your personal truth guide you and remember to be kind to yourself.

    Best wishes.
    ~ ☆ ~

    1. Thank you so much for your interesting and helpful comment. <3 I really hope the years of depression and self hatred are over.. 😉 Never really got into astrology but it's great to see everything from some different point of view.

      1. Oh cool. Glad to be of help. If you are in Germany I know there’s a a pretty well-developed Jungian Astrology tradition that isn’t at all how people think of astrology. It’s all about self-development and not predictions etc. Its called Psychological Astrology though I dont know what ot translated as in German. You might resonate.

        And yes. Fortunately my moments of delf-doubt and depression don’t last too long anymore when I remember the same advice I shared with you and drink my own medicine. Ha. ☇

  3. I completely understand where you’re coming from, and if I may be so bold, I think it’s awesome! I also feel like I am sometimes distinct “people” with various, unrelated interests. I also love my black metal shows and all the patches and chains and black that entails, but I take equal enjoyment from dressing in light, flowy dresses and shawls and imagining myself as some sort of woods witch while I listen to folk. At different times in my life, I have sort of seized upon one related set of interests as being “me”, but the more I think about it the more I’d rather just let all of these different things be “me”. Because who needs to be put in a box?

    I used to feel sort of scattered and unfocused because of this. (I can’t be one of the cool artsy kids because, even though I love to paint, I went to engineering school. I could never consider being in a metal band because I sing Decemberists songs at open mic. Stuff like that.) But I guess I’ve just come to realize that, if I tried to cut any interests out for being unrelated, I’d be denying myself things I love. I’ve also come to really enjoy taking people by surprise.

    As a semi-related note, I found your blog because last.fm told me you were also listening to Ólafur Arnalds, and then saw that you also listen to Agalloch and I thought to myself, “cool, this girl has got interesting taste.” 🙂

    1. Thank you so much for your comment. ” I also love my black metal shows and all the patches and chains and black that entails, but I take equal enjoyment from dressing in light, flowy dresses and shawls and imagining myself as some sort of woods witch while I listen to folk. ” Haha, yes, exactly what I’m talking about! 😀 You’re totally right, we don’t need to put ourselves into a box. I sometimes just also feel that I’m kinda overwhelmed by all these “possibilities”. There are so many things to listen to, to wear, to eat, to watch.. there wouldn’t be such a huge range from which to choose from if you wouldn’t like so many different things. 😉 So funny you found me through last.fm! I’m not really active there anymore since they changed everything there so much.. 🙁 And thanks for the compliment, you seem to have some great taste in music and seem to be a very interesting person in general. 🙂

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